[Editor's Note: This post is written mainly in Singlish. This is what we use in our day-to-day conversation. It's tough to understand for both English and Non-English speakers alike!]
It was yet another buzzing Friday night at Suntec City.
The queue for taxis moved on quickly. It was like a well choreographed show between passengers and the cabs – the queue never shortened, yet there was never short of taxis.
A cab changing shift flashed ‘Chinatown’ across at its top LCD at the line of potential customers rolled in slowly but without much luck. It drove off again, like it never happened.
I jumped into mine within 10 minutes.
“Uncle, Mandarin Gallery please.”
“Mandarin Gallery, Mandarin Hotel lah! That is to bluff people only, won’t last one lah!…”
“Haha….”
“Haha…it’s good that you can laugh. I hate those who are very serious, cannot talk one! Mascara mascara, as if they laugh face will crack!….”
“You guys should really learn to respect senior taxi drivers…Singapore lack of slaves, without us you will not have taxis to drive you around ah….”
“…Some only know how to complain ah…wait till they are 60 then they know!..”
“Why? Are you being complained?”
This cabby definitely talks too much for my liking, I thought. But perhaps he’s got a tough day and needed an outlet. Times have been hard, if talking to me helps….. I’ll take the wrath.
“No lah, today I was at Parkway. Wah lau eh, the husband and their two old folks already in my taxi mah, how would I know. That woman so damn slow, they still dare to shout at me when my car started moving slowly!
“…And the husband still dare to bluff me…say what his wife is pregnant! Please lah, her stomach so flat!”
“Complain lah! I’m seasoned driver man, 25 years already, aiyah, the taxi company at most call and tell you. They also know how good those passengers can complain!!”
I was speechless.
I thought I was lending my listening ear to a poor taxi driver after a hard day. But I would never expect such an inconsiderate, egoistic scoundrel.
“Aiyo uncle, you terrible lah….maybe she’s only 2 or 3 months pregnant?”
The rest of the trip only got worse. Life is just so full of character-building moments.
“blah blah blah blah….”
“I was commander last time ah.”
“I hate people who talk back! There was this girl in my cab last time, whatever I said she would talk back. Asked her why she talk back so much? She said talk is free mah!”
“These people have no decent upbringing! They should just shut up and listen!”
“They are just like those Indians. Talk is free mah! So every weekend they go coffee shop and talk the whole day over coffee. Free mah!”
“Blah blah blah”
The cabby was definitely getting a high from his own monologue.
The whole trip, my ears were bleeding. But more so, I was worried whether we were heading the right way. I am still not too familiar with the new facade of Singapore despite I’ve moved home for 10 months.
I vaguely remember passing by Mandarin Gallery when I was near Emerald Hill. But now we were coming around The Wheelock Place.
“Wait, uncle, let me call and check with my friend.”
“Huh?! Don’t scare me hor, it’s not at Mandarin Hotel??”
“Have you been there, uncle?”
“No but use your common sense also know it’s at Mandarin Hotel mah!”
I went ahead to call my friend amidst much noises from the cabby at the background. How can anyone be so rude to continue talking when his passenger is making a phone call??
My friend confirmed that it’s at Mandarin Hotel, which was a relieve to me. I didn’t have that much cash on hand and certainly won’t like to detour.
“See? I told you! You no common sense ah! No need think also know that they are together lah!”
Apparently the cabby has now found a new target. He started to launch a new round of personal attack…ON ME this time.
“You never come to Orchard before ah, so SUAH-KHOO!! (‘mountain tortoise’)”
Now that got me, I got REALLY irritated and MAD by then.
Just at this moment, we arrived at Mandarin Hotel. He negotiated the curved inlet into the hotel front, stopping in the middle of it the guests taxi queue. Another cab behind honked at us while the usher waved us on.
“No need to honk lah, I won’t take their guests one…I am such experienced driver, I know that lah. I got PRINCIPLE one!”
“Here, you can get out here. See? This is Mandarin Hotel, you should walk through the hotel and enjoy the air-con.”
“Aiya, you no common sense ah, here also don’t know. So Suah-khoo…blah blah blah.” that old man continued to rub in as I made payment.
I decided I need to get back. This man is too much.
Timing myself, I took the change back from him as I started talking.
“Aiyah Uncle, I’m really poor thing you know. I worked so hard during the day and at night I still have to put up with a taxi driver accusing me of no common sense and calling me Suah-Khoo!”
The cabby started laughing heartily at what I said. There was a look of triumph on his face as he turned around to pass me the change.
“Uncle, please drive carefully hor, don’t get beaten up!”
I threw the change into my purse and spat out the last sentence, got out of the car and smashed the taxi door shut.
What a jerk. How I wish I could deliver something harsher…more forceful.
My friend and mother asked why I didn’t take down his licence and make a complain. Well, I never thought about it at all. It’s never me to break someone else’s rice bowl.
But again, he said he only drive to pass time. Damn, maybe complaining is a good idea after all.
Haha… i encounter such taxi driver too, mine was swearing at everything his eyes can see. Normally, i would love to chit chat with them but if encounter extreme type, i will act busy sms-ing, read my book or even start writing on any paper.
Sigh, you are clever. That’s what I’m going to practice from now on!!
Gosh, i met a swearing cabby b4 as well, complaining and using swear words on his past passengers. And guess what was the most ironical thing? He had a bible on his dashboard, and a couple of crosses hanging or sticking around in his cab!
Haha…he needs the bible and crosses indeed! God bless these wretched souls!!