Heyzanie's World

During the National Day Rally in 2001, Goh Chok Tong exerted in his speech that “the measure of a country’s social graces was the state of its public toilets”.

I can’t agree more. Because the make-up of a nation is its citizens and if they have to pee like a pig, they can’t be too graceful in other parts of their lives.

I am no stranger to shocking toilet scenes, having lived, worked and travelled to inner provinces and cities in China for nearly 7 years.

Details I take no pleasure elaborating here but would just say that there were times when I would scramble out in tears, face white like a ghost’s and holding back nauseating urge. Despite having attained the See No Evil, Smell No Evil nirvana, I couldn’t stop my body and senses reacting violently to being shell-shocked.

I definitely expect such adventures to end now that I’ve started working in Singapore again and travel instead to first world countries.

I also believed (note the past tense) that educated people have better hygiene.

In my hometown where national level of education is at its all time high (92.5% literacy rate according to CIA – The World Factbook), I also thought I would be assured of a more graceful society.

Unfortunately these days, I am reduced to cleaning up after colleagues and strangers. Some of their toileting habits simply appalled and amazed me.

Times I’ve walked into a cubicle, staring at some “well-showered” toilet seat. Apparently, some ladies have built their quadriceps exercise routines into their private moments.

The unthinkable phenomenon is, some of the seats were actually soiled at the inner ring, where it was nearer to the water tank.

How is this achieved? Did someone turn around and faced the water tank when peeing? Or did someone finally revolutionize the way women relieve themselves….by standing and aiming like a man??

Not forgetting so many times I found used panty liners/pads lying around - spreading their wings high and mighty, fresh like newly toasted bread.

The last time I had to walk into one cubicle where a crumpled, grouchy-looking panty liner lied abandoned on top of the toilet paper dispenser, while the used toilet papers still floating in the bowl.

I so suspected the culprit to be that colleague who was washing her hands at the basin but I couldn’t confirm. I would have berated her if we were close but I couldn’t since our relationship is only as good as nodding heads and occasional smiles.

And I didn’t want the next lady to think I was the pig that left that stupid panty liner around. So in the end, I had to wrap and throw off that soiled panty liner,  flush the toilet and wipe the seat clean before I felt relieved enough to relief myself.

I thought my misery would be confined to Singapore office but hell no.

In my recent trip to U.K., I was again trapped in the awkward predicament – someone else’s morning soil decided to roll out from the neck of the toilet bowl just before I could use it. Since it’s an old flushing system, I had to wait for 5 minutes before I flushed it down where it ought to go and waited another 5 before I could flush it after using.

On my flight back, I was taking the aisle seat as usual. The young lady next to the window seat was in the toilet just before me, and so she got back to her little cozy corner before I did.

As I got back, I was horrified – I found a 20 cm long piece of toilet paper laying on the floor in front my seat. Apparently, the lady by window decided to bring back her toilet paper and drop it at my aisle as a souvenir prior tucking herself into her cozy corner. Of course I had no proof and I wasn’t too interested in proving it.

“Was it used?….How was it used?? Has anyone else seen that? Would they think I’m the idiot?” Questions like these were twirling in my head.

Praise God for my years of practice in China, I was able to switch off all senses and did what I needed to do.

Like an experienced cleaner, I wrapped the plastic cover from the headset around my hand, picked up that conspicuous toilet paper, went back to queue up for the lavatory again and dumped it down the toilet rubbish chute.

To all ladies out there who have difficulties using toilets:

It’s true that toilets don’t come with a user manual. BUT…..

……..while you make sure you didn’t leave behind any valuables, is it not possible to also make sure that your unsightly body and sanitary wastes are NOT lying around before leaving the cubicle?  Even dogs know how to bury up their doings with soil before leaving the ‘crime scene’.

Or did you pretty-looking, stiletto-trotting creatures think the world is Your Highness’s toilet and everyone has the responsibility to clean up after you finished your business?

I’m not even hoping you’ll consider the next user’s sanity – I just hope that you’ll exit in grace without leaving behind your legacy.

Perhaps toilet training should be incorporated our school curriculum all the way to varsity? And whoever failed their toileting manners will be barred from proceeding to the next level?

There has been a saying that human and pigs share similar DNA make-ups. Perhaps we are indeed more similar to pigs than we think we are.

Or perhaps some wicked scientists have successfully created human-pigs amongst us without us realizing since long ago.

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